Restless

The past year has been a version of hell for everyone. I was able to get a lot of work done. But as I sit here thinking about where to focus my time and energy, I feel restless. Like I have arrived at a crossroads and there is no one way that I have to go. I have options. 

My default mode is to focus on the next project, just keep grinding away. Head back into my writer's cave and toil on story and dialogue. It is where I feel most comfortable, even more so after a pandemic year. And I have a list of projects that need attention to be presentable. 

However, I am restless. Restless for a number of reasons. 

I am fully vaccinated and the weather is amazing. This means I can meet up with more people and even travel. 

But that is not the only reason I am a bit unsettled. I got a lot of writing work done over the past year. It was one of my most productive years in some time. For that, I am grateful. Having done all that work has me in the fortuitous position of having numerous projects ready, or close to ready, for me to peddle my wares to a hopefully receptive audience.  

While I have become a better salesman over the years, the art of self-promotion has never been my strong suit. The thought of facing the frontlines of rejection yet again makes me want to head back into my writer's cave and just keep grinding.

Change is in the air. Maybe it's being vaccinated. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's something else. But I am reluctant to just carry on like I have the past year. I feel it may be time to come out of my cave and actually try and get my work into the right hands. It has been too long since I made a full-frontal assault on Hollywood. 

The ghosts of the 2009 Screenwriter's Expo still haunt me. I have failed so many times with so many projects that I must be certifiably mad at this point. And yet I persist. A part of me is happy just to keep writing with only a few people laying eyes on the worlds I have created. I write to experience these new yet familiar worlds. I can see and feel them better than most people can remember their 18th birthday. They exist because I exist. That is powerful. 

But there is a part of me that wants to share my work with people, maybe even make a few dollars from all my hard work. I've gone so long without tasting the success I once sought that my idea of success has changed over time. 

I live to write. I do not write to live. 

My fear is that if I had to write to live would I still be true to myself? Would my stories lose their potency? 

I have avoided answering those questions accidentally on purpose. I have been afraid of change. Afraid of taking risks. Not because I live a glamourous life, but because I fear leaving the path I have been on, my routine. I love my writer's cave and the stories I have created. 

The experience I had at the Screenwriter's Expo felt much like what Killian experienced at the beginning of Iron Man 3. He got his expectations up to meet Tony Stark to discuss his big idea, believing Tony would fall in love with it and be the answer to all of his dreams. And he was left alone up on the roof to ring in the New Year feeling like a schmuck. 

Putting yourself out there is tough. Rejection is hell. Doing it again and again is madness. And yet I find myself at the edge of that abyss once more. Not by choice, I'd rather jump back into writing two mini-series in progress. But a part of me sees that as foolish. Foolish because I have what I need to succeed already. The work is done. The time feels right. I believe I must put my fears to the side and be brave once more. It may all go tits up yet again, but like the motto of my favorite team says, "To Dare is to Do." 

And when I tire of the rejection, I can always head back into my cave and finish up a mini-series. Until then, it's time to polish my pitch, put on a smile, and let the games begin. 

May 2021

In my last post, I discussed the three-stage plan for 2021. I had entered the second stage of that plan in February, largely because of all the work I did towards the end of 2020 and in the beginning of 2021. Since February, the plan has changed. 

I spent most of February & March retooling two existing projects (massive Anthology movie screenplays) into two mini-series with multiple episodes. 

In addition to that, I did the world build on the third and possibly final season of a TV series. The pilot episodes for the first two seasons were written and rewritten last year, with a bible (series guide) completed for each season. 

All three seasons can either stand-alone, as their own individual series, or they may be viewed as a three-season series. The three-season series is the ideal scenario but I like to have options when pitching stories.

When I wrote the pilot for the second season, I was completing a promise I made to myself a decade ago. The story idea was originally intended to be a movie, but over the past decade, I began to see it more as a series. I wrote the pilot to be a one-hour, stand-alone movie. 

The bible I wrote confused a writer friend because he read the bible before the pilot.  I messed up his feedback in two ways: by not giving him only the pilot first, and by not rewriting the bible before sending it to him. The bible I wrote did not properly re-incorporate the main character from the pilot's influence via her diary on the main character of the series.

The main character in the bible is different from the main character in the pilot episode. My friend made a solid suggestion: focus on the main character in the bible and incorporate the main character in the pilot into the backstory. That advice made me think of the original movie I had in mind. In that story, the lead from the bible I just wrote was the lead throughout the story, and the lead from the pilot was a tragic opening to the movie and a background character afterward. I wanted something different. 

So, had I sabotaged my original idea and story flow to write the pilot? The opening from the pilot is just as it was in the original idea I had for the movie. I could leave the opening and move the rest of the pilot to another episode. But the thing with that is this character shows up later through her diary. I could give her her own stand-alone episode later in the series. Or I can make the minor adjustment to the bible that led to my friend's confusion. 

As is, the second main character of the series takes up the reins of the show in episode two. I like the way I have done it because it is unconventional, while the other way (my original idea and my fellow writer's suggestion) follows a more conventional, expected story path. 

A conventional pilot would be easy enough to write. Though I know it would be less impactful than the current pilot. If I did change the pilot to resemble the plot of the original movie idea, the pilot would lack the traumatic bite of the current pilot. My instincts had me veer from the conventional to write that specific pilot. I will refrain from rewriting the pilot into the conventional path for now, as I have entered a new phase that requires my attention presently. 

Moving on. In late March, Chuck and I began work on the rewrite of a story we first wrote back in 2019. This marks the third rewrite in a year. The overall story arcs of the series have not changed that much. We had imagined multiple seasons taking place at different time periods. The original pilot had too many storylines and not enough clarity for a pilot. We had to gut it and try to rework it into something more dynamic and memorable. That was completed this week. 

Now I am in the afterglow period, which always feels weird and reminds me of the days when I had completed a play and had that actor's urge to jump into a new character as soon as possible. As a writer, that means going into a reset mode. Priorities change based on need. And after a pandemic year, I need some change in my life. 

I've just received my last dose of the Pfizer Covid 19 vaccine so I am at max immunity. That is a great feeling. It's liberating. I am proud of myself for doing the right things during the past year to keep my loved ones, myself, and others safe. I recommend everyone to get vaccinated. 

There are times when I can't stand people. The past year revealed some ugly truths about this country and I was very angry with some of my fellow Americans. Getting vaccinated felt like the most important civic duty of my lifetime. To know that I am helping myself and everyone else at the same time makes me proud. And all it took was two pricks, some pain in my arm, and a bit of a headache for an evening. 

Over the past month, as I worked on the rewrite, I decided to postpone work on one of the two mini-series projects for the foreseeable future. After a pandemic year, I am ready to make more changes in my life than just a change to my writing plans for the year. So I have removed one of the mini-series from stage two of my writing plan. I need to prepare for taking the steps needed to achieve the change I desire. 

I will continue to work on rewrites as well as the reimagining of one mini-series in Stage Two. In July, I will begin the transition from Stage Two to Stage Three. Here, the other mini-series has been moved, but I am open to postponing that until next year. In Stage Three, the project I currently value most is the third season of the TV series I began work on last year, completing the pilot episodes for two seasons. Being able to pitch three seasons of a series as one anthology series or as three separate stand-alone series is vital. 

Beyond that, I am always open to new projects and opportunities for the rest of the year. I may save the new novel series I have been wanting to do for another year or so. After a recent rethink, I am willing to push at least two projects into 2022: the new novel series, and one of the mini-series. I need to be more receptive to change and opportunities now that I am free from the clutches of the pandemic.