Why Do I Write?

I am not perfect, nowhere near it in fact. I am as flawed if not more flawed than most. Sometime after I had released "Monarch" someone whose opinion I value suggested I write a story from a position of authority. Never have I truly believed that I am a king of anything, instead thinking of myself as a jack of all trades yet master of none. Once upon a time, I considered myself a clown who needed to entertain others with laughter. What does any of this have to do with writing? 

Some people know what they want to be as a child and their whole life is geared towards achieving it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it sounds quaint and boring to me. I used to think of myself as the calm within the storm, a hero who would stand up when needed to protect what is right. Youth came with a shield of protection that I would use to fend off opinions contrary to my own so that I could keep from getting hurt all in pursuit of something I did not understand - myself. Those were my acting years. I made myself a vessel to be filled because I had not chosen another path. 

But then I had not wanted to. Why had I wanted so badly to be an actor? I was good at clowning around and had learned to hide my emotions during my childhood. Stories had always appealed to me, but I was lazy, angry, and distracted in my youth. Sports had been my outlet, it allowed me to focus on the ball instead of the future. Did I think I could be a professional? If I did I abandoned those thoughts once I started to have arm troubles. Back in those days, it was not required to know what you wanted to do with your life during grade school. And so I drifted on to college without much concern for the future. 

Life can be so random sometimes but the choices we make can change everything. I was a big fan of movies and loved to read. Being handsome and funny as well meant I was also popular. People gravitated to me even though I always felt like the odd man out at parties. I took a personality test once and it said I was an extroverted introvert. Perfect for the clergy or the stage. The church was never an option, so after taking a public speaking class and meeting Julia Robert's sister, I decided to try being an actor. 

I put everything into learning the craft and even managed a few decent performances during those years. Once I was living in LA, I realized that while I liked the idea of being an actor I preferred writing poetry and creating my own stories. This was something I had glimpsed in high school but was too scattered in my own head to realize I should have pursued it at that time. As a jack of all trades, acting had given me insight into "the business" and propelled me into screenwriting. 

By that point, my head was overflowing with story ideas, so I learned about the craft and set out to write the stories I would want to star in as an actor. I still held out some hope that I might be able to do both. It took a few years, but eventually, I let go of acting entirely. However, not before I starred in a few short films that I also wrote and directed, adding again to my jack-of-all-trades status. I wanted to know everything about the creative side of "the business."

Ever since I set out to be an actor I have never lacked in discipline or focus. I have always loved to get lost in ideas and always like to take what I am seeing in the present or have seen in the past in a fictional way through storytelling. I have never written a non-fiction piece. Whether that is so that I don't have to address my own truths or that I just don't have an interest in doing so, I'm not sure. These blog posts have always been enough for me.  I could see myself writing a memoir one day, and maybe I could tell someone else's tale. Though, I have a long list of fictional tales that I have to write in the meantime. 

So, why do I write? I write because, during my acting years, the need to tell stories was activated within me. I can probably pinpoint it to one moment. A friend asked me to help them write a script and I was hooked from that point on. I think that moment also sealed my fate as an actor as well. Once I saw that I could write for myself the characters I wanted to play I began to lose interest in auditioning for roles that I didn't like. I knew while creating my short films that they may be the last bit of acting I ever do, and I was ok with it because I had achieved what I wanted. 

I no longer write stories that I would want to star in but tales that I would want to read in a book or watch on a screen. My tastes are not the same as others. I don't like reality TV at all. You can keep your Hallmark movies, your romantic comedies, your formulaic procedurals. Some writers try to write everything under the sun. I'm not that guy. I like to write what I like to read or watch. If I wouldn't want to watch it as a TV show or a movie I sure as hell have no intention of writing it. Give me dark mysteries, suspenseful sci-fi, thrilling dramas, and adventure. Give me high stakes and a bit of horror for good measure. Keep me wanting to know what happens next. That is the stuff I love to watch and write. I write because contrary to what people say that every story has already been told I know that is not true. And I know I can come up with something unique enough to keep me interested. In the end that is all that matters. As long as I am still interested in telling new tales that is why I write.